No two people are ever going to see relationships exactly the same.
Even people who grew up in the same household will carry different views and different memories of the exact same events.
My wife and I had very different views on many things.
Over time, she adopted many of my views, and I adopted many of hers. This is what I consider normal in any relationship. The growth of the self through the mirror of the other.
Crystal and I did this very well in our relationship.
The day she said “you tell me should all the time”, was the day I realized I was “shoulding” all over my wife and that was not helping her self esteem. I made a promise to myself to never do that again and to never offer “my advice” unless it was asked for. (This is also reflected in my Aquarius north node for those of you who study patterns).
After that, I try to help her and the world by simply being an example of what I would like to see in the world.
I vowed not to tell her or anyone else what to do, but instead to simply share my journey and to be the best version of myself without any guilt around when I was not being “my best”. That’s the hard part… the no guilt thing. Turns out, guilt is not only rampant, it’s expected of us as a society.
When we add on the labels that we project onto both ourselves and the other person, we can tend to forget, there is NOTHING in life but “relationship to the other thing” and no relationship lives in a silo.
The relationship we have at work, with our friends, with our stuff, with our parents and with ourselves, they are all mirrors too.
They bleed into every part of our reality, no matter how much we think we can keep it all separate. No amount of self deception will erase the fact that we are all living by the 7 mirrors of truth. Myself included. (whats the current state of your cars cleanliness? Your house? Your mind? Your relationship?)
Recently I had become flooded with fear.
Thankfully it’s subsided, but in the depths of it, I was able to watch fear permeate into every facet of my life.
As an observer of my own story, I’ve been able to play witness to my entire life. However, when fear takes hold, we have a tendency to leave the observer mode and move into character mode.
Today I wanted to invite you to join me as a silent and curious observer who is grateful for the lessons, people, events and experiences that are here to help you grow into the person you were born to be… that beacon of love and acceptance.
This doesn’t mean you have to accept damaging behavior. If you witness a man about to be hit by a vehicle, you have an obligation to pull him from its path. If that man, or woman is you, you have the same obligation.
My wife was clear in telling me to stop “shoulding” on her and she was right. To her, I was the car. My innocent intention to help my wife with the vast training I have been given was actually doing more harm by undermining her own self confidence and journey.
Are you doing the same?
Are you being treated the same?
Having conversation from a place of love and vulnerability is key. Only through love are we able to see the other as the soul and not a body.
Silence about pain does not make pain go away, it only stuffs it down into cellular memory.
It’s OK to share from love and it’s OK to admit that you are both right, and wrong.
You’re human.
Remember to be human in conversation. While we are all on our own spiritual path, we still carry baggage and in this trip of life, no one is without a bag. 