Before I tell you this story, please know I tell it from a place of already being healed. The story and past hold no power or pain over me. It’s a memory without emotion.
I now feel compassion for those who “wronged me” and those who continue to today as I undertake my great spiritual journey.
This journey I’ve kept mostly to myself, but from here on out, as you can see from my recent emails, I will share with you and all those called to hear and grow from those experiences.
It’s 1979; The year Three Mile Island had its accident, China institutes the controversial “one child per household” rule, and the USSR is still a thing. A different world indeed!
As I sat at my wooden desk with a flip top lid, pencil holder tray and the super uncomfortable built-in metal chair with wood slat back, I was shocked from my calm and curious mindset instantly. A moment that burns into my psyche forever.
“Stop asking questions like that Michael, it’s blasphemy!” she yelled from the front of the room.
Her voice was so full of pure anger and rage, it made me cry instantly.
I was only 8 years old and not prepared for that level of rejection from someone who was supposed to be unconditionally loving. The instructor of my Catechism school was a nun of maybe 50 years or so. Dressed in her black and white uniform, it fit her role perfectly.
Not realizing that her yelling at me was just another rejection in a long chain of rejections that started with my own father and mother, I lost it and started crying. Crying that eventually turned into anger, but that’s a deeper and different story for another time.
You see, I had asked one of the most reprehensible questions anyone could ask in Catechism school in the 70s…
“What about all those other galaxies and planets? God only made this one have life?”
I’d been learning at home about stars, planets and galaxies and I was hooked. So naturally, I wanted to know. How could there be so many other planets and more, but God only made ONE with life? It just didn’t make sense??
That was the day that I decided that I was never going to be hurt like that again. (actually, it happened again and again in different ways, because I was fully unaware of how triggers and loops worked until I hit 40 or so)
I pulled away from the church and I pulled away from the stars and most of my passions.
While this sounds sad, it was a good choice for me because it helped me. I was able to use this focus and the lack of belief in organized religion became a platform for personal growth. (don’t get me wrong, I don’t feel the same way now). I now live by understanding the truth. All events happen FOR ME, not TO ME and I have a very hard time not loving every religion and everyone.
In the last 20 years (once I hit 30) my interest in the stars, astrological influences, and the patterns of life was lit on fire! As if there was a limitless supply of air and fuel, that fire became an inferno, burning up everything it could consume! I’ve studied so many divination systems it’s hard to list them all, but I’ll try at the end of this email.
I also found my love for God/Universe. Not through a specific church or organization. But through my own research and science oddly enough. I guess I’m in good company with this finding. All the greatest men of science eventually found God in the lab. That’s where I did.
“The more I study nature, the more I stand amazed at the work of the Creator. Science brings men nearer to God”
– Louis Pasteur
Some don’t like the word “God” any longer, and I didn’t when I first started my journey. Eventually, those old wounds healed, and now it doesn’t matter what word you want to use for the single binding force. I just know I love it and it loves me.
I’m not sure where you are on your journey, but I can promise you this. You are loved. You’re loved by me, by the Universe, by your fellow man and by all beings, everywhere.
Even anger is love. This was the hardest lesson from my greatest teacher. Anger is love asking to be seen and expressed. If we’re in a triggered state, it’s harder to see, but it’s true. That does not mean we’re to stay in angry relationships! It only means that I can now see it for its truth, instead of its mask.
My job, our job together.
Let’s remove the masks and be pure love for each other. If there’s something stopping you, ask for help. Find it in the stars, find it in the church, find it in a counselor, just find it. You have a job to do 🙂 You are love!
Sending you all my love,
- Mike