She looked at me, half concerned, half upset. She truly didn’t understand…
“Why are you upset? What you said didn’t require a response?” she said plainly.
She was right. It didn’t.
My simple statement had nothing to do with the statement itself.
After years of frustration on both of our ends, I eventually learned that what I was doing is called a “Love Bid”. Since words were not her primary love language, it was completely foreign to her that my simple statement of “It’s so beautiful today” was an invitation to connect, hold conversation and to feel love together.
In the same way, I didn’t understand when she would ask me “Do you wanna go shopping with me?”… this was her love bid.
I truly dislike shopping, just like she had no interest in small talk about the day or chatting in general. But for both of us, it was never about the request or comment, it was about getting and giving love in our own ways.
Once I learned about this years ago, it changed my entire relationship with both my wife and my daughter.
It was like the fog was being lifted and communication truly became hyper clear. Not just communication between my own family, but everyone, everywhere!
I couldn’t stop hearing them, seeing them and getting sad 
Depending on the love language being used, the bids can take different forms (my own hypothesis, not anyone else’s I don’t think). In my wife’s case, she wanted me to spend quality time with her, doing things she loved and invited me to do those things. In my daughter’s case, it was all about hugs and affirmation. Nicole and I share the same love languages, so while we always felt connected, seeing her bids clearer and not turning away was HUGE for her own healing journey with her male role model (me) and her relationship with other men.
I know some of these writings have been long, but this one is so important I’m going to keep today short. Just please please please know this and please please please share it. Even if you don’t share my post, just share the information.
You recognizing your child’s love bids could save a life. You recognizing your partner’s love bids could save a partnership or marriage. Becoming aware of your own love bid patterns means you can communicate with your partner and tell them openly what these things are and how you can help each other by answering that bid.