When depression came knocking, I beat it’s ass!


My entire life I could never understand depression.

I mean mentally, sure, I understood the concept. But it was only a surface understanding of something that was completely foreign to me.

Kinda like describing sex.

Do you remember what it was like before? Or after? You heard people talk about it, you understood it, but until you experienced it, it was always just some concept. Some else’s explanation, but not real.

That was me and depression.

Even though I spent most of my life alone, I was still pretty damn happy alone. It was safe and my preferred place. Turns out that preference is baked into my DNA. In Human Design I’m a 2/4 Manifesting Generator, meaning, I prefer to be alone, and when a good opportunity comes, I will take that opportunity.

Everything was fine like this for a long, long time (nearly 50 years)… until one day about 2 years ago.

I will honor the event and participants, but let’s just say an event shook my reality. An event I did NOT see in the many timelines that I feel on a constant basis. There was no preparation, planning and no amount of “woo woo band aids” that was going to help this one.

I went fetal. Normally I fight, but the adversary was too tough.

This was worse than when I was an explosive engineer and had 200 men behind a fence, foam pouring from their mouths as they screamed for my head. Worse than all lost loves combined. Worse than everything and anything ever!

I was lost in my own mind.

I swam through thoughts of disaster in every area of life from personal to professional. It wasn’t some “shit storm” feeling on the horizon… it felt like a shit hurricane had already wiped out my entire life and I was just waiting for the final piece of my world to fall from the sky, plunging through my heart, freeing me from this hell.

I started smoking weed after a 17 year break to help chill. Which if I did hit that magic dose, worked! But more often than not, I would pass that sweet spot and enter the realm of “good God, just go to sleep already! This sucks, why the hell do you do this again?”

Pretty much everything sucked and I wasn’t sure how to stop this insane cycle of attracting wave after wave of “shit aftershocks” that rocked my world.

Then I remembered something I had completely forgotten! I have that BrainTap thing that my friend gave me…

He didn’t want to spend for the monthly service fee and I was more than willing to give it a go. Maybe I should try that and see if it’s worth anything?

I promised myself that I would try it before bed, just to see what would happen.

As I lay in bed I thought to myself “hmm, try a light smoke, or this Brain Tap thing?” … “Don’t take chances, just lightly smoke, that will help, it mostly does” I convinced myself.

This went on for another month. I was good at lying to myself.

Eventually, when I was totally over having private freak out sessions in the misery of my own bed, I finally committed to putting the damn headset on.

I opened up the app and searched for a session that fit. After typing in my truth “fear” (at least I was good at finding my truth) I found a session that sounded great: “Sleep Deep and Let Go of Unwanted Fears Forever”. That’s literally perfect.

The blue and red lights were warm on my ears at first (yes there’s lights in the ears) and the blue lit up visor started to pulse. I must have looked like some crazy Smurf experiment gone wrong.

I lay my head against the pillow and thought, “what can it hurt”.

I fell asleep midway through my first session.

Sleeping was something that used to be instant for me. Once my head hit the pillow, I was out. But that was before. Now deep sleep was a distant memory. A friend who used to visit nightly, now only teased me with her sultry dances.

But this headset! I was having trouble making it through a whole session without ripping that thing off. I could sleep again!

Then, the unexpected. I felt moderately OK about the possibilities of the future! Yeah don’t go all crazy yet, it took a good week of sessions before the clouds had silver again.

Heck, maybe that piece of wood hovering in the sky, waiting to plunge my heart, wasn’t actually there?

As the sessions continued, so did my positive outlook.

It is impossible to explain what it felt like to have a hand reach into the murkiness of my mind and pull me up from the quicksand of my own thoughts. The best thing I can say is that it was life changing and definitely altered the entire trajectory of my thoughts and mission. I was back!

Since then, I have attempted to explain to family and friends just how powerful this little device is.

Anyone who comes over, I try to shove it on their head and do a session. Those who were able to believe, bought one. Those who trusted me, bought one. I’ve had probably a half dozen friends join me in this literally miraculous device. Too bad for the company that they denied me as an affiliate. If they only knew…

Anyhow, since I’ve been sharing so much about the mind, my journey, spirit and coincidences, I had to mention this one.

What if my friend had not been sent that headset as a promo gift by Patrick Porter?

What if he had not given it to me?

What if I was more worried about some ridiculously low monthly cost instead of my own mental health?

What if I had used it sooner?

What if Crystal had used it 🙁

Would I have been able to pull out hurricane shit storm sooner? I honestly don’t know and I honestly don’t think so. The value of my little blue savior has no price tag. I now own multiple devices.

So while I have been talking about mindset, your journey, your spiritual self, etc.. I also want you to know, technology rocks and if you have it available, use it! If you don’t, find it near by and use it!

This device is by far the best thing I have ever seen for pulling you from the quicksand and helping to get you back on track.

P.S. This is literally where this device lives. Beside me in bed. I know many of you are friends with Patrick, send him this or thank him for me. Affiliate or not, I am grateful for what he created and for it’s role in my life and the life of my family.

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