God sent me a friend who needed help. I didn’t mean to make her cry, but I cared enough to share the truth with her.
She was troubled in her relationship. Her partner always turns things “sexual”. The frustration was getting unbearable.
“Why won’t he stop all this sexual stuff and start talking about deeper stuff with me”. She asked.
I paused in reflection for a moment and asked quietly “when you first met, on your first few dates, what attracted you to him?”
She then went deep inside herself for a moment, and replied “We were magnetic from the start. We were so attracted to each other and it was super hot.”
I waited to see if she would see the connection here, but there was silence.
So I chime in again. “So it sounds like he’s very sensual and sexual.”
“Oh Yes!” She replied.
“OK, so if I hear you right, he is and has always been a sexual person, who finds you super hot and wants to be with you constantly. And at the start you liked that?” I asked
“Yes” she replies, but a little softer…
“So the thing you loved about him at the start of your relationship, now you don’t like?”
She sat silently, so I continued
“You want him to change who he is and who he has been right?” – I asked in earnest.
She was hit by the truth and worked hard to hold back the tears.
This man is exactly what she wanted at the start. Now that her desires have changed, she wants him to change, and she’s upset whenever he acts the way he always has.
Let’s forget that her desires and needs have changed. That’s another deeper writing that is unique to each person.
For now, let’s just focus on the fact that they did change and she wants “her next need to be met”.
Is she bad for wanting this? NO!
Is he bad for being who he is? NO!
Is it bad to chastise him for still being who he was and still is? ___
Is this relationship doomed? NO!
What matters here is communication and truth. If she’s willing to see him for who he is and communicate her new needs, and if he’s willing to make that adjustment, more power to a growing couple! She will need to honor his needs the same way of course. If he has a need to express love in a sexual way she gets to decide if that still fits her.
When we ask for change in another without recognizing our own change, things can go bad.
We ended with a very simple question.
Are you willing to talk with him about this, understand his needs, and work through your own new needs? Or, do you think you got what you needed from this soul connection?
Most connections are not “for life”. Some are, but most aren’t.
In the end, you’re the only one living between your ears.
It’s best to make choices by understanding your truest “SELF” (not getting into the many selves today)… Then operating from a place of total awareness, honoring your partner.
This is obviously just an introduction to the concept of self awareness in relationships. This one just happens to be a subject that comes up frequently and I’m attempting to write as things happen in synchronicity.
Of course there are many exceptions to this and every circumstance. The share is not to find the micro fault or difference in this story vs your own. The share is intended to look for the commonalities, not the differences. If you found none, congratulations, you’re human!
If you found some, then congratulations you’re human 🙂