Have you ever felt a little less than 100% secure in a relationship? Maybe he or she says something that makes you doubt yourself or your value? Maybe you’ve had past experiences that keep you doubting?
We tend to think that only the person who “acts insecure” in a relationship is insecure. This is a false belief that creates more separation. Everyone feels insecure (uncertain and not confident) at times, and most will never admit it.
I’m not here to debate the literal definition of insecurity, or anxiety. So please, withhold any desire to correct my statements while you listen to see if there is a message for you.
Think about it… are you 100% confident in every decision you make in your relationship? If you are, then I’d ask you to go much deeper in your review. If you still feel 100% confident, ask your partner how often you are right in those choices you may make categorically.
While some wear insecurities on their sleeves, others bury them deep inside or wrap them in defensive posturing. I’ve been guilty of both.
Last night I had a dream about my wife and was reminded of my own insecurities.
It was so good to see her in my dream. I really miss her. While I was able to see her beautiful self in all its perfection, in my dream, she was not choosing me as the recipient of her beauty. She chose someone else to adore, and the pain while I slept was very real.
This was a huge source of my insecurity as a young man and adult. I wanted her to see herself through my eyes. I wanted to be chosen every day by her. Often, I didn’t feel it and I’m sure it was the same for us both. (I can talk about energy channels later on this for those who are interested)
I would tell her constantly…
“Every morning is a choice, and when I wake up, every day, I choose you. I choose us. I choose our life”.
I don’t think she ever believed me. But I can pray that as I held her hand and she slipped away, she knew. When I said it, I meant it.
My dream last night reminded me of the pain of not feeling chosen by my partner. Something that clearly still needs attention. (The mirror of me saying that to her, because it was all I wanted from her is real).
Since her passing, I found myself craving to be chosen.
Before you condemn me, please accept that we’re all different expressions and no two of us are exactly the same. I am built for partnerships. Partnership is my entire life mission. Whether it’s in solitude with my lover or partnership in business or friendship, every area of my life is a carefully cultivated list of soul pod members. People I protect and love.
When I’m not in a romantic partnership, I definitely feel “less safe”. Before meeting my wife I had many partners. All wonderful women, but the moment I realized they were not my “forever”, I told them and ended it, or they felt that way first, told me, and ended it. Either way, it was always for the best, no matter how painful it was at the time of each growth.
In this lifetime, I am built for love in partnership at my core, which definitely can create insecurity when not present.
My point in all this?
Once you start to realize that we are all the same, with different expressions of our insecurities, it gets much easier to love them all. And yourself!
While the pain or pleasure may be in different wrappers, at its core, it’s the same. You learn to love everyone regardless of their expression, and you know, all souls crave the same thing.
If you felt or feel insecure in any way. Try to accept the lesson and the love in it. It’s ok to feel that way, everyone does from time to time. Including me and especially me 🙂 You are perfect exactly as you are. You can change anything you like, at any time, but it does not make you “less” than any other person! In fact, I’ve seen those who posture are FAR more insecure than those who choose to just be.
Love you all so much
– Mike
P.S. After looking at the dating apps the last few weeks, I’ve realized just how bad it is out there for both single and married couples. The fact that women are having to say “please no married men” is shocking to me. The level of fear and insecurity that is something I could never have imagined. While I don’t think I’m here to save anyone, I do hope, sharing openly some of my own experiences can help you to know, you are definitely not alone.