I Love You and I’m Sorry.
It started as me wanting to be a better person. Focused heavily on my own growth and personal development. Always asking, how can I be a better father, husband and human?
At some point, I realized, in order to be “better”, there had to be a “less better” version that I would compare against, right? I mean, how else would you measure if you were better, but by looking at what’s “less better”?
The challenge for seekers is that this comparison can often become, comparing with others and not just comparing with the self. I spent some time here and I try not to go back. In fact, in writing this, I am literally in the act of going back and comparing. However, I was prompted to write about this aspect of self and my journey, so here it is.
I know I’m not alone in having chatted with and been a seeker who compared belief systems, vibrational states, educational curriculum, Christ devotion, masculine, feminine, tattoos, cars, meditation times, guru’s, plant medicine use, and so much more.
Seems there’s a plethora of terms and practices used that divide any seeker who attempts to remove themselves from the paralysis of a dualistic universe.
There is however, a difference in sharing your journey and comparing against another for the sake of self inflation. It’s a small but important distinction.
I feel the ego and soul of all people I meet. Language patterns, body language, emotional resonance in the voice and so many other non sensory signals only further this.
When we try to “Kill the ego”, we often, unknowingly feed it. But now, instead of feeding it scraps, it has a diet of correctness and righteousness. A cause based purpose to being and a rock solid reason to defend itself. After all, you are here to raise consciousness right?
So for those who wonder “what happened to Mike for so long”.. Here is the truth.
I quit caring long before my wife passed. Life just IS for me.
I don’t care to save the planet
I don’t care to save anyone
I don’t care to be your hero
I don’t want to be saved
I don’t want to find my tribe
I don’t want a money focus
I don’t want more spirituality
I DO love you & everyone
I DO see my disasters as perfect
I DO see your disaster as perfect
I DO have faith and love in myself & God
I DO know my next partner is here.
I DO move with the signals of the Universe
I DO surrender every day.
I truly love you all and I can’t explain how this is, or how it feels in words.
The journey never ends and I’ve been sharing it more and more with you lately. Even those fleeting moments of trouble that arise, as they arise. These transitory states are part of the whole. I share to remind you that the journey is always evolving and most of us will have to ride the roller coaster.
Scream, laugh, cry… how you choose to ride that coaster is up to you.
If you can, remember to love the person in the seat next to you, no matter how they choose to ride, they are no better or worse than you, me or any of us. 🙂
So, if you were, or are ever in contact with me and my little self shows up, AND he’s not being a good guy, I’m sorry. I am always a work in progress.
Love you all.